...The human psyche is an interesting one, and one I don't think we will ever understand. It's what really makes us human, isn't it? When you strip away everything else, it's what makes us purely unique.

I also don't think that it's something that can be fixed. I wouldn't call myself one to know much about science, but I feel that many scientists believe that we are no more than mammals, we are just living things, like birds and trees and insects and bacteria. We are like machines, our veins like wires and our mind is software, evolving into more complex machines designed to do more tasks faster and with greater ease. But to me, machines can be repaired, if there is a problem or a virus in the software, you fix it. The mind is much more, and the mind is much different. As much as modern medicine tries, I don't believe one can fix the mind. Or maybe I am just a living example. My doctor put me on something new. Funny how the word "new" makes it sound better. It's not. Doctors can mend wounds and muscles, they can correct vision, they can tell you how each part of the body works and for what reason, but fixing the mind is like searching for a single flower in a jungle.

Instinct. Yes we have that, as do other mammals and living things. So many things are tried to explain through instinct. We react certain ways to ensure our survival. We fear things that could do us harm, want things for the sake of comfort and pleasure, and have sexual urges because of the need to procreate. Disorders are a reflection of natural instincts, and how our minds work is a result of how we were raised and under what conditions. But that doesn't cut it. If our reactions are just chemicals and enzymes and secretions, if we can explain why we each as individuals are the way we are, than why can't we fix ourselves? Why do we flood our bodies with different medications hoping that they might work? Because the human mind is more than that.

Why do I feel so nauseous? Why do I get so irritated? Why do I feel troubled when everything is going fine, and why do I lay awake at night for hours, unable to sleep, even though I'm exhausted? Why do we suffer from side-effects of medications that can barely cure these loose wires in our heads? Because things aren't that simple, and our minds cannot be fixed. Because we are more than just living creatures, and more than just instinct. Because we are human.

We are human, and we feel things that nothing else can feel. Yes, as I said earlier, fear is an instinct, we flee from danger, we feel and do things in order to survive. But more often, we don't. We love. Love may be our greatest asset as well as our greatest fault. Love has absolutely nothing to do with instinct, there is no specific organ that controls how much we can love, one cannot pinpoint specific chemicals that make us love. There is no way of controlling it. Love can keep us alive, it can compel us to go beyond our natural limits, and yet, people willingly would die for the ones they love. In the same way, we will continue to love those who do not love us in return, even if they refuse to love us, even if they hate us. Humans have the free will to go against their instinct, even though it may make no logical sense. We will do completely irrational things, with full knowledge of the consequences. We do them because we are human.

We don't need a reason to love. We don't need an excuse to be who we are. So maybe we weren't meant to be fixed. Maybe we were meant to be unique, to be confused and curious, to feel the pain and joy of being alive. We will always search for answers and end up finding more questions. As much as some say that we have no soul, I feel that any intelligent person should know that we do. You can't find it on a medical chart, no, but it's there. Because without souls we would not be human, we would be just another living creature who has no reason to live and no reason to die. We would do things because our body would tell us, instead of our heart. We wouldn't feel guilty for doing what is best for ourselves, even if it hurt others. By all means, love could only be considered insanity by looking at us as animals. True love will forever cause us to be selfless, where any rational being would be selfish. Rationally, we should only think about ourselves, what will make us the most comfortable, what will bring us the most pleasure, what will ensure our survival for as long as possible. Some consider our conscience to be a burden, because we want to follow those instincts, but we know deep down we shouldn't, or not shouldn't, but just wont. We are human, and as intelligent as we claim to be, most of us don't follow our rational thoughts. But that's ok. That's good. Because the more we assume that 2 plus 2 equals 4, and that when you strip everything down, that we *are* just animals, the more we become animals, and become less human. The way in which our minds' function is what sets us apart from everything else, so that in a way, to be rational is mindless.

It's ironic that the god of love fell in love with Psyche, isn't it?

-----------------------

On an entirely separate note, I'm sorry that I haven't updated anything in the past 2 months, I will reply to your comments, and begin posting things again, I know I have things lingering in a number of journals and pictures that would be quite dusty if they weren't just files tucked away in my computer.

The JAFAX convention went well, and I am going to try and see if I can go to Youmacon in the fall. Half Blood Prince comes out next week, and if it's half as good as the book I will be pleased

I enjoyed going to a few art festivals, though I unfortunately had to miss out on the waterfront film festival. Hopefully next year.

I'm also a red head now.

Sadly, I can't think of much else from the past 2 months to update about. But I guess that's alright, since my word count has informed me that this journal entry has already surpassed one thousand one hundred words... hah...

And to add one last thing before I go, only because either someone would make note of it, or if they didn't, it would still bother me. My last line about Eros and Psyche is actually an incredibly unfitting ending for that post, but when I typed it, I just thought it sounded good, haha. The tale of Eros and Psyche has always been one of my favorite myths, but I should make clear that "eros" tends to refer to sexual love, and the love I refer to in my post would be more of (but not limited to) "agape", by which I mean self-sacrificing love. I realize that I am slightly nerdy for first knowing this, and for having to correct myself in my own post when most people probably wouldn't notice anyway, haha. And then, I am sure half of you don't even know what I am talking about. In your free time, look up the 4 kinds of Greek love, hah.

I bid you all a fair night, and a starry summer. I hope you took the time to read this, but if you didn't, I don't entirely blame you, seeing as the sun seemed to go down about 5 times as fast just writing it, hah.

Sweet dreams,

Breezey